More than friends? The truth about sex, friendship, and what happens behind closed doors

The idea of friends crossing the line into romantic territory is in every rom-com and even many real-life weddings that start with “we were just friends.” But how often does it happen, and when it does, what’s the outcome? Does the friendship survive, or is it a one-way ticket to the end?

To find out, Flirtini surveyed 2,000 daters across the U.S. The results reveal just how blurry the line between friendship and intimacy can get, and how many people are walking it.

Friends with (very real) benefits: How many are doing it?

Despite the cultural assumption that sex between friends is rare or risky, the data shows it’s far more common than many would guess. About 47% of men and 69% of women say they’ve had casual sex with a close friend, sometimes as part of a friends-with-benefits relationship. Only 29% of men and 26% of women said it had never happened. That leaves the majority who’ve either acted on feelings or, at the very least, found themselves in the right place at the right time.

Quiet crushes: Are we all hoping for something more?

What about the people who haven’t taken that step yet? Nearly two-thirds of both men and women say they’ve fantasized about sleeping with a close friend, which tells us that desire between friends is widespread, even when it’s not acted on. The question is what’s stopping them?

Hookup without heartbreak? Depends on who you ask.

One of the biggest fears associated with sleeping with a friend is the potential emotional fallout, but most people believe that risk is overblown. Around 80% of men and 69% of women say it’s possible to have sex with a friend without it turning into something complicated. It’s one of the most commonly debated fwb rules: can friends have sex without consequences? That still leaves a notable minority, particularly among women, who believe it’s never truly “just sex.” For them, emotional and physical intimacy are too connected to be separated.

Friends with benefits: When casual turns serious

The idea of a casual hookup evolving into something deeper is a widely shared belief. More than half of both men and women say they believe a friends-with-benefits situation could realistically turn into a long-term relationship. For many, that’s the start of the transition from friends to lovers. Another 40-46% are unsure about this prospect, but they don’t rule it out entirely. The overlap between romantic and platonic relationships is real, and many are open to seeing where it leads, even if that means going from an FWB relationship to something more committed.

The aftermath: Did it ruin the friendship?

So what happens after sex between friends? Many would expect a total disaster, but surprisingly, it’s not all that dramatic, as 33% of men and 26% of women say it changed nothing about the friendship. It happened, and they moved on easily. That’s an important reality for anyone navigating friends-with-benefits rules. In fact, 25% of men and 34% of women say it brought them closer. For a smaller group of respondents, it led to dating. And while some friendships were ruined, the numbers are low: just 6% or fewer said things fell apart afterward.

Regret? Not really.

Most people don’t look back on sex with a friend as a mistake. More than half of men and women say they don’t regret it at all. That includes casual hookups and more emotionally involved relationships. Nearly 1 in 5 men and women say they have some regret, but would still do it again if given the chance. Only 5% of men and 14% of women say they wish it had never happened.

Why not hook up with a friend? For some, it’s too risky.

Among people who haven’t had sex with a friend, the most common reason is fear of ruining the friendship. That’s the deal-breaker for 24% of men and 31% of women. It’s a natural concern in any friendship vs relationship scenario: will the bond survive the shift?

Others say they just haven’t had the chance, or they’re simply not attracted to their friends. But the emotional risk seems to loom largest for women. Friendship, once broken, isn’t easily repaired, and that’s enough to keep some people from crossing the line at all.

Fantasizing about a friend mid-sex? You’re not alone.

Fantasizing about a friend during sex with someone else might sound shocking, but it’s not rare. Nearly half of women and over a third of men admit they’ve fantasized about a friend while being intimate with someone else. It just shows how emotionally complicated attraction between friends can be, even when no boundaries are crossed.

Is your best friend into you? Possibly.

With 32% of men and 46% of women saying they’re sure their best friend has wanted to sleep with them, let’s just say it’s not unlikely that your friend might want that too. Another 44% of men and 31% of women weren’t as sure about it, which means very few are confident it’s never crossed their friend’s mind. It’s one of the more common threads in the transition from friends to lovers.

Marriage pacts are more common than you think

“If we’re still single at 40…” You may have heard it in countless rom-coms, but this pact has infiltrated real-life relationships, too, as 40% of women and 16% of men say they’ve made a marriage pact with a close friend. Some say it was a joke, others were half-serious, but clearly, the idea of “settling down” with someone you already trust and care about holds real appeal, especially when a strong friendship already exists.

Liquid courage and unclear intentions

Alcohol and increased attraction often go hand in hand. More than half of both men and women admit they’ve intentionally gotten drunk around a friend they’re attracted to, hoping something might happen. That doesn’t guarantee that anything romantic or sexual took place, but it shows how often people are open to bending the usual rules, or hoping to initiate something that could go from a platonic bond into an FWB relationship.

Methodology:
This research was conducted by Flirtini using internal polling. A total of 2,000 U.S. daters were surveyed on their experiences with sex and friendship, including fantasies, outcomes, regrets, and shifting boundaries between platonic and physical connection.