Stubble trouble: Body hair, shame, and intimacy

Key findings:

• 63% of women and half of men say they would be less attracted to someone with unshaven body hair.
• 52% of women have shaved in a public restroom or hidden spot to be “hookup-ready,” compared to just 14% of men.
• 66% of women have avoided sex because they felt bloated or not slim enough, versus 21% of men.
• Nearly 75% feel relief when colder months arrive so they can hide under layers.
• 42% of women say they always keep the lights off during sex because of insecurities about body hair or their stomach.

Attraction still comes with conditions

Although body hair is a natural feature, it continues to shape how people view attraction. Two-thirds of women and almost half of men admit they would be less drawn to someone who had not shaved. Men strongly prefer smoothness, with nearly 50% saying they prefer partners completely hair-free. Women are far more varied in their opinions: over 40% say they actually like natural body hair, while another fifth simply do not care either way. These findings show how beauty standards tied to physical appearance influence not only preference but also body image and self-worth.

Grooming under pressure

The data also shows how far the pressure extends into everyday life. More than 50% of the women admitted they had shaved in public restrooms or hidden places before a date or a potential hookup. Men rarely do this; only 14% said they had. The extreme grooming habits are rooted in a need for external validation and feed into dating anxiety. Women feel they must invest to stay “acceptable,” even when the circumstances are inconvenient or uncomfortable.

When self-image cancels intimacy

Body image is more impactful than we give it credit for. For example, 68% of women said they had turned down sex even when they wanted it, because they felt bloated or not slim enough. Just 20% of men gave the same answer. Intimacy, in these cases, is blocked by body insecurities and the intrusive thought that their body in that moment is not good enough to be seen. This intimacy avoidance shows how fragile body positivity can feel under the weight of beauty standards.

The seasonal sigh of relief

But once people enter the colder months, they can catch a break from constant shaving. Around 73% of women admitted they felt relief once it was cold enough to hide beneath heavier layers of clothing. For men, the number was far smaller, about 31%. As we can see, women often feel that their comfort in public depends on how visible they think their physical appearance is to others. In colder seasons, body insecurities are easier to conceal.

Lights off in the bedroom

If you thought that your bedroom was a safe space, then you are mistaken. Around 75% of women said they keep the lights off during sex because of worries about body hair or their stomach, with 42% doing it every time. For men, the picture looks entirely different, as only about 1 in 5 said they had ever done the same. It’s clear that men and women are not playing by the same rules when it comes to what is allowed to be seen. Here, intimacy avoidance and dating anxiety go hand in hand, as body image struggles spill directly into private relationships.

Criticism that lingers

Personal insecurity is often reinforced by partners, as 53% of women said they had heard rude comments about their bodies during sex. A similar share said a partner had told them outright that they should shave more often or lose weight to be considered attractive. What we see here is an undermining of body positivity and the reinforced idea that physical appearance must constantly meet unrealistic beauty standards.

Methodology: Flirtini surveyed 2,000 respondents across genders and age groups. Responses were collected anonymously to ensure honesty and accuracy.