I’m a psychotherapist: here’s how to discuss STI testing without awkwardness
Bringing up STI testing is awkward, especially in a new relationship – studies of various age groups show that up to 74% have never been tested for a disease. As a result, 1 in 5 adults in the US had an STI at some point.
With that in mind, Charisse Cooke, MNCPS-accredited psychotherapist, online relationship educator, and a resident relationship expert at the dating app Flirtini shares her advice on how to discuss sexual health in a relationship, normalize STI testing, and make it part of a love life.
According to Charisse, STI testing isn’t about “risky” behaviour, it’s about self-respect, responsibility, and caring for your partner.
“In healthy relationships, open conversations about sexual health should be as normal as discussing boundaries or emotional needs. Avoiding these talks out of shame or fear only creates unnecessary distance. Love should feel safe, and that includes physical safety. Normalising STI testing removes stigma and strengthens trust. It’s not about judgment; it’s about honesty and mutual care. If we want secure, fulfilling relationships, we have to communicate openly, including about our health. Love thrives in truth, not avoidance,” she says.
How to bring up STI testing to a partner?
So, how can you actually bring up STI testing with a partner? “Normalise it. Frame STI testing as routine self-care, like a dental check-up, rather than something awkward or accusatory,” recommends our expert and shares the best ways on how to do it safely:
In such situations, it is very important to use “We” language. Say, I think it’s important for both of us to feel safe and cared for. Want to get tested together?” to make it a shared responsibility.
At the same time, you should remember how important to pick the right moment. Bring it up in a calm, private setting (not in the heat of the moment) so it feels natural and pressure-free.
And finally, lead by example. Share your own testing experience first to make the conversation easier and reduce any defensiveness.
How to respond to a negative reaction?
Of course, not everything falls into place right away — and not every partner will respond positively at first. So if you do get some pushback, Charisse, who is also an author of The Attachment Solution, recommends: “Stay calm and reassure them. Say something like, “I’m not assuming anything, I just believe in open, responsible care for both of us. It’s about trust, not doubt.” If they’re defensive, ask what’s making them uncomfortable and listen. Remind them that testing is normal, not a judgement, and say, “This is about creating a safe, healthy relationship together.
