How to How to Effectively Date Online

Let’s face it, life is busy — which is why online dating is great; it connects you with people you might not have had an opportunity to meet otherwise, all while not having to leave the comfort of home.

Now that dating apps have been around for a while, people are getting smart about the way they use them. Know that in order to date online effectively, mindset is everything. If you truly want to find your forever love, you must be willing to put in the time, energy, and effort needed to navigate online dating and find someone you connect with. But there is a way to quickly weed out daters that aren’t right for you so you can maximize both your time and dating experience.

Swipe less, read more

The best way to optimize your time is to be intentional and browse only a few profiles at a time. Do not binge and swipe through every profile in one shot. Give each profile a fair chance by reading it thoroughly and seeing if there are things that stand out to you. Ensure you only reach out to people who you would actually want to meet in person; that way, you’re not wasting anyone’s time.

Don’t limit yourself

Be open to people who aren’t your usual “type.” Dating apps can start to feel very superficial if you focus on looks over personality. Many people only look at someone’s images and swipe based on what they see, instead of taking the time to get a feel for who they are. The curse of having a “type” is that you miss out on many good opportunities by being fixated on certain physical characters. In most cases, we get stuck in a negative pattern by dating the same kind of person over and over. So, I encourage you to look past appearance and give people a chance that you wouldn’t normally.

Connect over the phone first

One of the best ways to save time when dating online is to have a phone call or FaceTime a potential match as quickly as possible. Many people spend way too much time messaging. Not only is messaging time-consuming, it’s really hard to get a feel for someone and see if there’s a true connection through text. Some people are online to pass time and you don’t want to end up being one of many pen pals!
By suggesting a phone call or FaceTime, you’ll also weed out those who are not interested in actually getting to know you. Remember: most people are messaging with more than one person. When you speak with someone on the phone, you’ll get to hear their voice, get a feel for their energy, and quickly find out if the conversation flows. All of this will help you determine if there’s a connection and if you want to meet them in person. Asking someone to chat on the phone will also make you stand out as someone who’s interested in getting to know them and developing a true connection.

Have a low-pressue meetup

If everything feels good from the call, then arrange to meet up in person. Keep the first meeting short and sweet, something that you don’t need to put a lot of time or money into, like going for a walk or grabbing a coffee. If the meetup was as good as the phone call, then opt for a longer, more involved date next. And if not, no harm — let them go gently and repeat.

Stay positive!

Remember that it takes time and usually multiple dates to find a good match. Don’t be discouraged if you go on a few dates that don’t end in more. Tell yourself they weren’t the one for you and that’s okay! Every date you go on is an opportunity to practice flirting and conversing. Every date is a chance to have fun, step outside your box, and enjoy getting to know someone new. And all of these experiences will help you understand what you want, need, and desire in a partner — as well as what you don’t. If you want a forever person, isn’t it worth putting in the time to find them?

Online dating can feel very daunting and draining. If you’re burnt out, take a break to reset and shift the focus onto yourself by doing the things you love and that bring you joy. Come back to it once you feel recharged. It takes most people 6-12 months of active dating before they find someone with whom they truly connect and want more.

Online dating is a marathon, not a sprint, so strap in and enjoy the ride!