Should You FaceTime Someone Before Going on a Date?

Meeting someone you’ve connected with online can be nerve wracking and bring up all sorts of questions: Are they really who they say they are? Are they actually going to look like their pictures? Is their personality going to be as witty and funny IRL as they are in texts?

You matched. They’re hot. Or at least their photos suggest they might be hot.

Now you have a choice. You can text back and forth for three weeks, building up a fantasy version of this person in your head until the actual meetup is a guaranteed letdown, or you can commit to a $100 dinner where you realize within four seconds that their voice makes you want to claw your ears off.

Don't do that. Honestly, just don't.

There is a middle ground. The FaceTime date.

I know what you're thinking. Video calls are awkward. They remind you of work meetings or checking in with your mom. But according to our data, hitting that video button is the single most efficient way to filter out the weirdos, the catfish, and the people who just can’t hold a conversation.

Here is how to do it without hating every second.

Why You Should Screen Before You Scene

Forget the safety lecture. You know you shouldn't meet strangers in dark alleys. We aren't your parents.

This is about efficiency.

Think about the last bad date you went on. You probably knew it was a disaster in the first ten minutes. But you were stuck. You had ordered a drink. You had to wait for the check. You lost an entire Tuesday evening you could have spent watching Netflix or sleeping.

A video call is a vibe check. It’s a ten-minute investment. If the chemistry is dead on screen, it’s probably dead in person. Plus you get to see if they actually look like their profile picture or if that photo was taken during the Obama administration.

Set the Stage (Please, Fix Your Lights)

Most people look terrible on FaceTime. It’s not their face. It’s the lighting.

Do not sit with a window behind you. You will look like a witness in a protection program silhouette. It’s creepy. Put the light in front of you. Natural light is best but if it’s night time, put a lamp behind your laptop.

And yes, use a laptop.

Holding your phone for twenty minutes is a workout you didn't sign up for. Your arm gets tired. The camera shakes. You end up resting the phone on your chest and giving your date a lovely view of your double chin. Just prop a laptop on a stack of books so the camera is at eye level. Maybe a bit higher.

Business on Top, Nap Time on Bottom

The beauty of the video date is that you only need to exist from the chest up.

You should look nice. Fix your hair. Wear a shirt that isn't stained. Look like you tried. But honestly? Wear sweatpants. Wear pajama bottoms. Wear nothing at all if you’re brave and trust your ability to stay seated.

It’s the mullet of dating outfits. Formal up top, comfort down low. It helps you relax. If you’re physically comfortable you act more natural.

Bring a Drink, Not a Resume

Don't just sit there empty-handed staring at the screen. It feels like an interview.

"So, tell me about your siblings."

Boring.

Grab a prop. Pour a glass of wine. Open a beer. Make a fancy tea. It gives your hands something to do. It signals that this is a social hang, not a performance review. Plus clinking your glass against the screen for a "cheers" is a cheesy but effective icebreaker. It acknowledges the weirdness of the situation and lets you both laugh at it.

Use Your Eyes (The Room Reveal)

You are getting a window into their actual life. Look through it.

What is in their background? Is their room a disaster zone with piles of laundry and old pizza boxes? That’s a red flag. Or maybe a beige flag if you’re messy too.

Are there books? Instruments? Weird art? Use it. "Is that a guitar or just a decoration?" is a better opener than "How was your day?"

And before you answer the call, look at your own background. Maybe hide the weird stuff. Or don't. Let your freak flag fly.

How to Escape the "Awkward Wave"

Video dates have no natural ending. There is no check to pay. No "I have to catch my train." You can just stare at each other until one of you dies.

To avoid the awkward silence at the end, set a "hard out" at the beginning.

"I’ve got about twenty minutes before I have to start cooking dinner, but I wanted to say hi."

This lowers the stakes. If it sucks, you have an escape hatch at the 20-minute mark. If it’s going great, you can "accidentally" talk for an hour and feel good about ignoring your dinner plans.

When it is time to go, be decisive. "This was fun, I gotta run though." Then hit the red button. Don't linger. Don't do the frantic wave while fumbling for the mouse.

Just leave. We think you'll thank us later.